Prop 62- Some thoughts....

“The time is always right to do what is right. ” Martin Luther King Jr

I had an interesting conversation a few weeks back with a woman who will remain nameless (for her privacy and because i cannot remember her name). I was discussing Amendment 62, Colorado's Personhood Amendment and how excited I was to see it on the ballot (And I wanted some yard signs!). This person's answer shocked me. (Yes, I know that happens to me often, but without my low shock factor, what would I blog about?)

I was told that she would not be voting in favor of Prop 62 because Colorado Right to Life is run by a bunch of crazies that were excommunicated from National Right to Life (She is sending them a message) AND that now was not a good time for this amendment because of the current Supreme Court AND that failure was guaranteed and who wants to put your name on that. According to this woman, she is not the only Pro-life person that feels this way. All the “lawyers” and other politically savvy people in the pro-life community feel this way as well...

Since I was raised to be polite to my elders, I very politely disagreed. I would research this issue and silently planned my blog attack.

 I did look for a reasonable disagreement (By reasonable, I was seeking a pro-life argument against the Personhood amendment. Naturally there are lots of pro choice arguments) and I spoke with Chicken Scratch Counsel. According to Counsel 

“ The type of law they are trying to pass is probably the best argument for getting abortion outlawed, and I will still vote for it, but I don't think they've quite got the language to a point that it will withstand challenge.”

 I guess laws are harder to write than non-lawyer/ non politicians may think.

Digression: Don't you ever wonder if lawyers write lawyer speak so that you have hire other lawyers to interpret lawyer speak therefore perpetuating the profession?

Moving on... What bothered me the most about the conversation with aforementioned woman was the fact that this person was willing to vote against something she agreed with to “send a message” and because she thought it was politically unwise. It is not the “right time” for an amendment to try and save the lives of unborn children.

Lots of situations with unfavorable surrounding circumstances came to mind.

**Moses stood in front of the Red Sea and told the people of Israel to Be Still! God will fight for you! (Exodus 14:14). Do you think as they stood there that any of them IMAGINED that God would part the water for them? 

**Gideon and only 300 men took the on the fierce Midianites. They carried jars, trumpets, and torches- Judges 7

**Daniel survived the night in a cave with hungry lions who probably very much liked the taste of human.... (Daniel 6)

**Martin Luther changed Christendom with a piece of paper nailed to a door.

**William Wilberforce changed the free world by believing that every man should be free. He never gave up until slavery was abolished in England! 

**Martin Luther King Jr. - One of the greatest movements in our country (in my opinion) was the 1955 Montgomery Bus Boycott. People worked together and boycotted the racially segregated buses for 381 days. They did not give up until the law was changed and people could sit wherever they wanted to on a city bus. 

All of these men fought for what seemed impossible and most unlikely. And yes, it seems unlikely that Prop 62 will pass. The last time we voted, only 25% of people voted in favor of it. And if it does pass, it is likely to be challenged as the contraception portion of it (if not more portions) are vaguely worded and unclear. 

But does that matter? If I believe life begins at conception can I vote any differently? I think Christians should be vocal. I think we should speak up for what we feel God wants us to speak up about. I do not think that we should play the political game to the extent that we are willing to vote against something that we believe in because of timing. 

I am what many snarkily referred to as a single issue voter. I have never voted for a candidate that is not pro-life, and I vote in favor of any proportions that threaten the legality of abortion. Abortion is the leading cause of death of human beings in our country- THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH. That makes “Pink Awareness” seem a little silly, doesn't it. 

I started this post over a month. I have agonized a lot about it. This is a difficult issue to talk about because I have friends and family members that have had abortions and I have no desire to rub their noses in it. I do not need to make another person feel guilty of their sin; I have my own sin to feel guilty about. But I realized that my silence is starting to make me complicit. And when I am complicit, I become as guilty as those who commit the act. So this is my first step in my speaking out on behalf of the unborn- More to follow.

Happy Birthday Gideon!

"But Lord", asked Gideon "How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manessah, and I am the least in my family. "

The Lord answered, "I will be with you and you will strike down all the Midianites together" Gideon 6:15&16

In about 4 minutes, my son will officially be six years old. On October 24, 2004 our son, Gideon Phillip Butler was born at 1:51pm. He was at  29 weeks, 2 days gestational age. The picture you see above is his first picture, taken minutes after he was born.

To be honest, it was a traumatizing day. They announced at about 10:30am that they would be delivering him early...at about 5:30pm (they wanted my stomach empty). My liver was starting to fail.  Percy had gone to church so I was by myself, and the doctor came into explain the procedure to me. While he was explaining, Gideon's heart rate tanked and the doctor told me if it did that again, they were going to deliver now. It did it again two minutes later and they started to prep me for the surgery immediately. They had me ready in about 30 minutes and were basically wheeling me out by the time Percy arrived. I asked the nurse if Gideon would be breathing when he was delivered and they said that if he wasn't, they would resuscitate him.

For those of you who have had a C-section, you know that it takes some time.  I have no idea how long it took to get me ready to deliver him. I was staring at the wall praying. The nurse told Percy to get the camera ready- and we heard this little cry- but there was a cry. I asked the doctor if that was the baby- and she said the words I will never forget- "He is scrawny but feisty!" Gideon weighed 2 pounds, 1.8 ounces and he was about 14 inches long. I had never seen a baby that small but of course I have since learned that babies smaller and earlier are born, survive and thrive.(Think of that when you are voting in 2 weeks)

He spent 58 days in the NICU- that time in my life is a blur. I was pumping at night, pumping during the day and driving back and forth between my house and Swedish 2 times per day. Gideon went home at 5.5 pounds on Christmas Eve eve.

Clearly I cannot blog about his birth every year but this year has been a little special. When a baby is born that tiny, there are many immediate worries that you have but you also worry about the future.

Is your child going to be normal ? 

(whatever that is)

We made it through many hurdles, and for me, Kindergarten has been the last "preemie" one. With his late speech I worried so much that he would not be able to keep up academically or that he would be somehow different from the other kids.

But that has not been the case.

He is an average little boy, which is exactly what we had hoped for him. We named him Gideon after Gideon in the book of Judges. Look it up in your Bible, but in essence God sent Gideon to fight a fierce people with only 300 men. It took a tremendous amount of faith for Gideon to step up and be a leader. He was the least of his clan, he was even the least of his family. Yet God chose him. The world saw something ordinary because they only looked externally. God could see Gideon's heart and knew His own plan. Together that was something extraordinary.

We chose Gideon's name as an act of faith. We believed that as dire as the situation seemed at the moment of his birth, that God was in the business of doing remarkable acts of healing and redemption. We also chose it to remind our son Gideon to have faith and courage even when the odds seem completely against him. For although I wrote that we wished for an average little boy, I should have explained further. Internally, we wish for our boy to grow to be strong and mighty in his love for God. We wish for him to defend the powerless, the weak, the poor, the orphan, and the oppressed.  We can already seen an inkling of his relationship with Jesus.  I love to watch his head bow and ask Jesus to forgive him for a sin he has committed. I loved it when he understood that Jesus had the power to raise our dead chickens from the grave. (Digression- We believe that Jesus does have the power to raise the chickens from dead and reattach their heads, but explained that He would not be doing so. And for some reason it always makes us chuckle a little about the reattaching of the heads) I love our conversations about what WE DO that shows Jesus that we love him. I love it that my son wants to show Jesus that he loves him.

Gideon, we are so proud of you. When I spoke with your teachers and they told me how polite you are,how hard you try and what a good work ethic you have, my heart almost burst. It is those moments that make all the other crazy days of the year worth it.

Happy Birthday, we love you.

** This picture is a self portrait. Gideon took it yesterday, October 23, 2010.

Why Socialism Does Not Work.

Bear with me. You may not at first identify this as a problem of socialism. 

I got a phone call from the school on Friday that Gideon had collided with a child and he had a profusely bleeding bloody nose. I needed to come and get him. I agreed to come and get him but explained to the office secretary that he commonly had bloody noses that were very scary and not to worry.

His nose was very bloody, but I have probably seen worse. Recognizing that it is not reasonable for him to be sent home every time he had a bloody nose, I set about this morning to collect the necessary paperwork to allow him to keep a little kit of supplies at school to help him handle his bloody nose. 

Ideally he needs a plastic bag with a few rags, q-tips, some sort of moisturizer gel, and maybe a saline wash. Ideally this needs to be done in the bathroom hanging over a sink to minimize the blood splatter on clothing. Gideon “nose” how to do this. (Sorry I could not stop myself). He does not even wake me up at night anymore if his nose bleeds. He gets his own towel (usually a nice white one) and hangs over the sink until it stops bleeding. He has been doing his own saline rinses for the past two years and every child knows how to stick a q-tip up their nose. 

I stopped by the office this morning to get the form. The office secretary recommendation is that she keep the medication because if it was in his bag he might “show it to someone” or “squirt himself in the eye”. Okay- that could happen. Although I have found that children with chronic problems are generally more responsible with their medication because they have to be. I take the form home and read it over.

The forms refers to the “medication” and that the only "the dose listed on the instructions can be used." Well... last time I checked, Vaseline had no dosage listed, nor does a Q-tip box include instructions on how to stick one up a nose. It is frustrating. I have not decided how I will deal with this, although in the end, I will probably have to make a special plan with the school for dealing with my son's benign nose bleeds. 

Now to the socialist aspect.  A public school is a socialist entity by nature. Laws abound to make education “fair” to all the attend the school, but nonetheless, it is the schools goal to create a collective environment. All children need to be treated the same in order to make the system work. To keep all the children safe, the child with chapped lips cannot bring chapstick (without a doctors note) because he might share chapstick and spread a cold sore. I am sure you have heard of the laws now protecting asthmatics. Schools do not like children with asthma to carry their inhaler in their pockets. They may sell it or share it with others. So rather than teach children not to take others medication (and God forbid, let children bear the consequences of sharing medication) they try to make it a rule that a child cannot carry an inhaler. This does not work well because some people have bad enough asthma that they need an inhaler NOW! when they have an asthma attack. Some kids got very sick from this and they had to change the laws to allow kids to carry an inhaler with them. Colorado has this law. I actually keep asthma medication at Gideon's school but I did not have him self administer because I know that he needs help with it. I also know that he does not need help with a bloody nose. See how that works? As an individual, I am able to make decision based on my child's needs. I only had to take into account what I know about my child. It does not matter is Johnny has been using his inhaler unattended since he was three or that Mary would eat the tube of Vaseline if she had it in her backpack. I need only know what my child is capable of doing.

The socialist entity “the school” cannot function that way. All decisions are made while trying the take every member into account. But it cannot serve all of its members well because of that. The individual does not function this way. I evaluate what Gideon needs, and only what he needs. I do not take into account the medical needs of other asthmatics/ bloody nosed kids, their mothers do.

Ultimately I understand that this issue of the bloody noses does not matter too much. I am a SAHM, I can deal with them as they come. But I invite you to look at this microcosm example of 400 kids in a school and the handling of individual needs and expand it to millions of Americans and socialized medicine. 

Socialized medicine will encompass the needs of the “normal” .What are you going to do if you and your family do not fall under “normal” . Do you think that the government is going to violate protocol for you? Or do you think that you are going to be looking at a form like the one that I have in my hand? The form that does not even apply to the circumstances that I am dealing with BUT it is the ONLY form. 

Some of you may find this selfish; it is really not. I want to make decisions for my kid/ my family. I want you to be able to do the same. To return to back to my original analogy of the school system- I do not think that I know what is best for the other kids at Gideons school. If a child has special needs, I want his mother to make able to make a plan outside of the norm for her child as well. 

I will be honest. I hate it that people suffer because they cannot afford health insurance. I hate it that insurance companies refuse to insure the very people who need it the most. I wish that socialized medicine could work. But when I honestly evaluate our government I know that the government run health care is going to make people suffer. 

Someone please correct me if I am wrong, the public school system is our country's longest running socialized program, and it is full of problems. But parents can opt out. The new healthcare plan is going to effect everyone, and there will not be a way to opt out. Think of that in November. 

Is it reasonable to think that our government is going to run more efficiently/ more fairly the more complicated it gets?

"Your people shall be my people"

 "Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die, I will die and there I will be buried" Ruth 16b-17a

Recently, Percy and I were told that we needed to bring Esther more around "her people"-  While we found this comment highly offensive, (Uh... are we not her people?) it really made me start to think:

Do I have people? and if I do, Who are my people?

This concept of your child's "people" is prevalent in the adoption community. During the adoption process, you are constantly asked "What are you going to do to teach your child their heritage or keep them connected to their original culture? My answer thus far has been "Esther would still eats out of the compost pile if we let her, hence we will focus more on culture when that stops." But in all seriousness, as she grows and matures, how should we invest in the Ethiopian community? Should she take Amharic lessons? Learn to enjoy Ethiopian food? And what specifically is culture?  Is it food/ language/clothing styles?

I started to pay closer attention to the people that I most spend time with-
What is it that we have in common?


1. We are born again, evangelical Christians. Every person that I am close friends with shares my religious beliefs.  Obviously, this is not a minor commonality. With religion  comes similar morals, child discipline practices, beliefs about marriage, life purpose and even (hopefully) voting practices.

2. mmmm... It kind of ends there.  I can think of something that makes me and my family vastly different from every friend that I have. Some friends have chosen to have big families, some friends have chosen the military lifestyle, some are married to people from other countries. Some are Limbaugh loving, rabid Republicans yet, with our common religious belief we find common ground. Do me and my people agree on everything? No. I can post something to the effect of "Amnesty for Illegal Aliens who have not broken the law" on Facebook and I will have 37 comments of disagreement (My own husband probably disagrees with me). But we have a common thread that we all are hanging on to.

Recently, I was at a party and met an Ethiopian couple there. I asked them if they could tell what tribe Esther was from. They could not. Then knowing they are believers, I asked them if she came from a city that was predominately Muslim or Orthodox Christian?
"Neither" I was told, the people there are "pagan, they worship the trees" (I am assuming they are animists). Now while I do not know for absolutely certain that Esther's family were animists, it is fair assumption.  That was her people, that was her culture.

But not anymore. While Esther will always be Ethiopian, I am perfectly comfortable with the fact that in her orphaned state, we plucked her out of her original culture and gave her a new one.  

It makes me chuckle a bit when I think about how Esther will learn about her Ethiopian culture...... because I plan for her to learn through the Ethiopian Evangelical Church in Aurora.  The couple I met told me not to worry about the language difference (the sermon is in Amharic) because the Holy Spirit would translate it in my heart (although there is a real translator too!!!). And they told me there I will have the opportunity to learn about the persecuted Christian in Ethiopia. I would learn about the church planting in villages, and the sinking godless pit that is Addis (their words, not mine). And in reflection,  it was an interesting thing for them to say to me. The persecution of Christians is an unusual topic at a party, especially if you have just met a person. But they knew that I would understand;They knew that I cared. I was their people.  

Who are my people?
Followers of Jesus.
And we pray that is what Esther chooses as well.

I want to help you get your foot out of your mouth!

Today I was asked (again), if Esther was "mine" or if she was "adopted". I told the woman that she was adopted but in my head added "which still makes her mine". While most of my clever retorts stay in my head during these verbal exchanges, I just might start saying them out loud. Typically I hold back because I do not want to embarrass the person who has just made an insensitive remark. But I am starting to wonder, as Esther becomes more cognizant of the world around her, if she would be better off by my correcting these remarks.  How must it feel to go through life having weekly if not daily comments made questioning your parentage?

And the comments have been much worse. I was once asked by a lab tech if Esther's birth mother had a hard time giving her up or if she just did not care (Esther was sitting in my lap). In that case, I did give a lengthly treatise on the issue of AIDS/ poverty and orphans in Ethiopia. I know that people mean no intentional harm- but it does not erase the sting from their words. At times people are even sincerely interested in my story of adoption - their hearts are in the right place. But discussing my daughter's abandonment in Ethiopia is not an appropriate birthday party conversation, especially in front of her and her friends. 

But it is not just adoption that cause people put their feet  in their mouths. I have a friend with five kids and people have asked her multiple times throughout the years if a new pregnancy/baby was "on purpose"  or "if they meant to get pregnant" . Even more offensive is the " You know how that happens, right?" comments that are said jokingly. Those who struggle with infertility face their own problems with unintentionally insensitive comments like "  "Don't you think it is time to start a family ".  How heartbreaking that must be to a woman struggling through infertility.

And it seems that people do not just save their comments for adults. My teenage friend had a teacher tell her that her dad was too young to be her dad. Huh? How on earth does a girl respond to that? The obvious retort "maybe you are too dumb to be a teacher" would probably be frowned upon by school administration, but it would be well deserved.

My son is a much lighter shade than his father;My niece is a much lighter shade than her mother- both have had the insensitive comments from strangers. I have a friend who has been asked if she is "the nanny".  Seriously people- in a world were companies sponsor seminars on political correctness and cultural sensitivity, this is ridiculous. Why is it culturally acceptable to comment on other children (or lack of) whenever the mood seems to strike?

Throughout the last few years, I have been coming up with a list of common sense "rules of engagement" when dealing with families that seem a little different from ones own. I use them myself. 


1. Assume that if a child is with an adult, that adult is their parent. They can tell you otherwise if your assumption ends up incorrect. And just for the record, most people are already doing that if the child happens to be the same color as the parent. Every light skinned, blue eyed child that has ever been with me has been assumed to be mine.
2. People's fertility (or lack of it) is never your business. Never.
3. If you are interested in adoption (because you would like to adopt) invite the parents out for lunch (or a steak dinner). Ask your questions there, away from the kids. If you are just curious- well remember what happened to the cat.

Finally... If you are reading this, please do not try and think back to every possible comment you may have ever made to me about adoption, about Esther, about anything.  I have made my own awkward statement s in the past (hence my list of rules).  But I think it is time that we start to think about how our comments about children and their parentage/ race/ color makes the parents and the child feel.

Oh, Baby, Baby it's a Wild World

" Oh, baby, baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child" [Cat Stevens] 

Hear Cat Steven's Sing "Wild World"! 

Yesterday was Gideon's first day of Kindergarten.  As he is said, "He was so so so excited!" I felt like we had prepared for this day for weeks, or even months. We finally had the correct water bottle; he had a nice supply of school uniforms; he knows how to read a few words; he understands rudimentary addition and subtraction. He was ready!

But was mom ready? Up until now I have been able to control his world. I pick his friends, I watch him eat most of meals, I work with him on his morals and behavor. Now he will be spending 7.5 hours a  day at school. Was he ready?

I carefully chose his school- Gideon attends a school that focuses on reading (The goal of the school is that all children read at grade level. If a child cannot, they are automatically given extra help), but also has a strict behavior policy. Their school motto is "Do to others as you would have them do to you".  Which I like much better the typical school motto, ie: "There are no bad children only bad parents".

Yesterday morning I went to wake Gideon at 6:15am. We are not morning people. Gideon begged me to let him sleep a little longer so that "he could grow a little more." I told him to get up and start getting dressed," Today was the first day of Kindergarten." He dressed himself in his uniform and ate his breakfast. Percy was going in late that morning so that he could go with me to drop Gideon off at school. We loaded up into the car. When we got to school, he put his backpack on and we waited with the Reckes for the doors to open. We walked to his classroom- Immediately when he walked in, he scanned the wall for his name on the backpack rack and hung up his backpack. He went to his seat, sat down and begin coloring. I stepped back and just watched him- that was the point when I felt a little teary. Because I realized that he was very ready and so was I.


It was time. He had conquered his speech issues (mostly); we had his health under control (usually); and his behavior and listening skills had improved markedly. He was ready for the next step- learning how to cope in a world not created by his mommy. He is ready to be faced with moral dilemmas and to make his own choices. 

I realized I felt a little teary because I was proud of him.  He was a such a big boy and looked so handsome in his uniform. It does not make me sad that he was growing up- I am not one of those moms that want my children to stay babies forever. I enjoy my children more and more as they get older-

I am looking forward to upcoming years, and watching my kids mature, marry and have children of their own. But like the song says " I will always remember you as a child".